"No one ever took care of the traumas of the relatives of missing persons…"
Sevgul Uludag
caramel_cy@yahoo.com
Tel: 99 966518
On the 4th of September 2018, we have a meeting with a representative of the International Committee of the Red Cross who is investigating the "needs" of the relatives of "missing persons…"
We go, as `TOGETHER WE CAN`, the Bicommunal Association of Relatives of Missing Persons and Victims of War… Amongst us is Tijen Gulle who lost her father back in 1963, Kyriacos Solomi who lost his brother in 1974, Yusuf Chaylar who lost his father in 1964, Christina Pavlou Solomi Patsia who lost her brother and father in 1974…
Leyla Kiralp who lost her husband as a very young woman in the massacre of Tochni could not make it, so I would ask her to write a message to the International Committee of the Red Cross, so I take her note she sends to me and I read it in the meeting…
ICRC is doing research on the `needs of relatives of missing persons` whose loved ones have not been found yet and the Cyprus Missing Persons' Committee will do research on the `needs of relatives of missing persons` whose loved ones' remains have been found or that has not been found…
First of all, Leyla is very critical of the International Committee of the Red Cross, as well as the local authorities – whether they are Turkish Cypriot or Greek Cypriot – for taking them around 55 or 44 years to look into `the needs` of the relatives of `missing persons`…
Later I ask her to write an article about her feelings on this… And she does… I want to share with you what she has written…
Leyla Kiralp in her appeal entitles her article `The Whirlpool` and says:
`Just next to us, in the neighbouring country Syria, a war is waging… Civilians are being killed… Thousands of people are emigrating to foreign countries… They are being drowned in the sea while emigrating or becoming desolate in the countries they go to live in… In whatever geography war is waged, the war itself is the enemy of civilians, and the profit only goes to those who start wars and who gain benefits from it…
In our country Cyprus, we also lived through war. In our country too, civilians were killed. Rapes took place, emigration took place.
Thousands of Cypriots were taken from their homes and sent away, some killed and some went `missing`… Thousands of `missing persons` have not been found yet and their fate is still uncertain…
War itself is a disaster. In these terrible and indescribable disasters, even those people who might not have lost anything are also affected… It is not possible to describe the depth of the traumas of those who have lost loved ones, their homes and especially who have been raped…
In 1974, just like thousands of Cypriots, I too have gone through the negative effects of war and I am still going through it…
I have never forgotten and I will never forget this… In May 1975, while passing to the northern part of the island with the Red Cross transport, we had stopped at the Ledra Palace where there were Turkish Cypriot officials so that the UNFICYP soldiers could register us… When the UNFICYP soldier found out what our ages were, he was quite surprised and said `Oh, very young!...` But the Turkish Cypriot official answered him `These are villagers!` What this Turkish Cypriot official was saying that we had been widowed not because of war but because we were `villagers`! The first blow came at me from this Turkish Cypriot official on that day!
In the following years, similar blows were in my face…
44 years ago, the communal values were very different `values` from today's values… It was considered a `sin` that a young woman was a widow. It did not matter that she had lost her husband in the violence of war. They were looking at her with humiliation and evaluating her in a humiliating way…
The trauma of war, the trauma of losing our loved ones and relatives were multiplied with this pressure from the community and the impact of this pressure was even worse than the impact of war… It was very difficult to start a new life among some people who had gone crazy with looting at the end of the war… What they cared about was looting houses, furniture, positions, cars, fields, gardens… What we cared about was the loss we were going through since we lost our loved ones and not knowing what had happened to them… They were `missing`…
The Turkish Cypriot administration of those times and the administration which is a continuity of that administration started paying monthly wages to the relatives of missing, of those killed and those wounded in the war. Yes, they did that. But apart from paying wages, there was never any interest in the psychological condition of these people…
In the following years a lot of relatives of `missing` persons, relatives of those killed in the war or wounded in the war, have lost their lives… Those who are still alive are still living with the traumas they lived through between 1963-1974 and will continue to live with this trauma… This trauma is such a whirlpool that it sucks in not only the relatives of `missing persons` but all of those around them and creates a big negative impact…
The trauma of the relatives of `missing persons`, has its own peculiarities among the traumas of the victims of war since the relatives of `missing persons` don't know the fate of their loved ones… Hope and hopelessness is merged in this trauma... Even when their remains are found and given back for burial, this only creates a little bit of peace for the relatives of `missing persons`. They cannot get back their health…
Overcoming such a trauma is not possible with the `wage` that the authorities give to the relatives of `missing persons` because most relatives of `missing persons` spend their wages on the doctors and medicine for in order to find a cure for their deteriorating health. But these expensive medicines also don't cure their psychology since physical illnesses are something else and psychological illnesses are quite another thing.
For the male politicians saying `They died for our country and our people` is `sufficient` in the handling of this trauma or like some other male politicians would say `is it time now when we shall have peace in the country` and just prefer to remain silent. We have had women representatives as `MPs`, women authorities as `ministers` and even two women heads of `parliament` and both of them were in fact doctors! But unfortunately, none of them were ever curious enough about the situation of the relatives of `missing persons` and none of them knocked on the doors of relatives except when it was `election` time…
Lack of confidence, desperation, lack of meaning, hope and hopelessness – all these years passed by with those feelings… For me and those who lost their loved ones in 1974, 44 years… for those who lost their loved ones between 1963-74, 55 years… I see the impact of what we lived through not only in myself but also in those relatives of `missing persons` around me. If the politicians looked more closely and with more humanitarian eyes, they too would notice the psychological needs of these people.
Even the `feminists` who are against `violence against women` did not show any interest in the relatives of `missing persons`… But the biggest violence had to be endured by these women relatives because of war…
A psychological rehabilitation centre must be opened in order to help the relatives of `missing persons` and victims of war and they must be given support… If you claim to be authorities, you are responsible for giving such support to the relatives.
Those who have killed people are being given medals for their `heroism` - you should add the relatives of `missing persons` on your list of tasks and show them that you are really authorities…
(LEYLA KIRALP – SEPTEMBER 2018)`
Photo: Leyla Kıralp together with her Greek Cypriot friends at the funeral of her missing husband killed in Tochni...
(*) Article published in POLITIS newspaper on the 11th of November 2018, Sunday. A similar article in Turkish was published in the YENİDÜZEN newspaper on my pages entitled "Cyprus: The Untold Stories" on the 1st of October 2018 and here's the link:
http://www.yeniduzen.com/hic-kimse-kayip-yakinlarinin-travmalariyla-ilgilenmedi-13008yy.htm
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