Sevgul Uludag
caramel_cy@yahoo.com
Tel: 99 966518
The Cyprus conflict beginning at the end of the 1950s, continuing during 1963-64 and escalating to the war of 1974 has split many Cypriot families splitting them, dividing them and cutting off relationships for many years to come… And until the opening of the checkpoints of 2003, many of those Cypriot families could not manage to have contact… Only after the checkpoints would be opened, would some of those families start to come together again…
15 years ago I had written a series of articles based on my investigations in YENIDUZEN newspaper entitled `The missing part of the mosaic`, reflecting some of the stories of such mixed Cypriot families…
I could not write many of those stories since the atmosphere in both communities would treat such subjects as a `taboo` and people were hesitant and were afraid of the reaction they would get if they spoke up…
One such story was from Limassol – a Turkish Cypriot woman had married a Greek Cypriot from Famagusta decades ago… The conditions in those days for getting married forced individuals from both communities to change their name and their religion. Therefore, all traces of their origin would be lost, unless they spoke up and told this… In fact, the marriage of Turkish Cypriots and Greek Cypriots was actually banned by the constitution of the Republic of Cyprus, unless they changed religion and name!
So she had got married with this Greek Cypriot and when I wanted to write about her story, she panicked… She asked me not to write… Her husband was a famous businessman and her son-in-law had no idea that his mother-in-law was in fact a Turkish Cypriot. I respected her decision and did not write her story… I felt sorry for her since she had to pretend that she was someone else, instead of being herself… And had to keep this as a secret… This is the shame of both communities that instead of accommodating this richness of having someone `different` amongst you, that they practically choose to `pretend` that `everyone is the same, it's uniform`… What a ridiculous view! Both communities accept the marriage of Cypriots with people from England, Russia, China, Philippines, USA, Moldova, Bulgaria or you name whatever country, except from our own country and stigmatize them!
One of those stories was from Famagusta again about a Greek Cypriot woman who had got married with a Turkish Cypriot and had to change her name and her religion. Her son was writing very `nationalist` articles and was displaying his deep hatred towards Greek Cypriots. When I had called him and told him that I wanted to write the story of his mother, he asked me not to do this, that he was afraid of the reaction from the community. I would respect his request and did not write the story of his mother. And he continued to swear at the Greek Cypriots in the newspapers. Actually the community he was swearing at and he hated was the community of his own mother…
Each baby coming to this earth has no chance to choose his or her mother, father, the place he or she is born, his or her language, religion, colour or being born as a male or a female… The baby can be born as a blind person or a baby with no hearing and not being able to speak. The baby might be born without the ability to walk or one of her or his legs shorter than the other. A baby can be born out of a Greek Cypriot mother and Turkish Cypriot father, an English father and a Turkish Cypriot or Greek Cypriot mother… These are not the choices of the babies born on this earth… They find themselves in a family and try to stay alive, try to grow up and develop themselves in harmony with whatever community they are born in…
Unfortunately whether they are growing within the Turkish Cypriot or Greek Cypriot community, there is very few children out of such mixed weddings who are peaceful and at peace with themselves. We have such shining examples and unfortunately we cannot write their stories either – because they too are afraid of reaction from their communities… But the most dangerous ones are the ones whose mother is a Greek Cypriot and father a Turkish Cypriot or vice versa but who pose as the biggest nationalists and patriots and who try to `prove` themselves that they are the biggest patriots, against the other community throughout their lives…
One such person was someone I had worked with in a newspaper many decades ago. He was from Famagusta. His mother was Turkish Cypriot and his father was Greek Cypriot. His father had changed his name and religion in order to be able to get married with his mother. I was working with him at the beginning of the 1980s, so that must be around 40 years ago…
This person from the very beginning till the very end would take the stand of `the biggest patriot` - with his articles he would see the Greek Cypriot community as `his enemy` and he would resist and would be against any sort of bicommunal activity.
But many years later by a coincidence, I would find out that he was meeting his Greek Cypriot relatives secretly and systematically long before the checkpoints were opened! In those years, the United Nations were getting together the split families due to the Cyprus conflict at the Ledra Palace Hotel, regularly. And this `ultra-patriot` was going to the Ledra Palace Hotel and meeting his Greek Cypriot family and upon return he would continue to swear at the Greek Cypriots in the newspapers and his statements as though nothing had happened.
There is even a more sad story about such children… In a story I found out, there was this Turkish Cypriot family from a village when they chose to change religion and name and be part of the Greek Cypriot community. One member of this family had turned out to be a `big patriot` and even volunteered to be a `sniper` in a group who were taking an active part in the kidnapping and killing of some Turkish Cypriots during the 1963-64 conflict. Did he, himself pull the trigger or would he simply watch as the trigger was pulled by some Greek Cypriots in this group?
All of this shows us what sort of huge traumas there are and what sort of huge taboos on this island and how the conflict itself steals the humanity of our people and turns them into something else under the guise of `patriotism` and `nationalism`…
There is another very sad story of a family whose mother was a Turkish Cypriot and father was a Greek Cypriot. They were living in a village in Mesaoria. Their mother had been married to a Turkish Cypriot and then fell in love with a Greek Cypriot and had a divorce and married the Greek Cypriot. She moved to a village with him where only the Greek Cypriots were living. The Turkish Cypriots had left the village during the conflict of 1963… They would have more than 5 or 6 kids…
In 1974 when some Turkish Cypriots entered this village, they would take her for a Greek Cypriot and they would kill her… And she would lay on her bed full of blood… Her children had turned out to be supporters of EOKA-B… Such a state of mind looks suicidal and this woman is still `missing` as far as I know. Neither the Greek Cypriots, nor the Turkish Cypriots bothered to put her on the `official` List of Missing Persons… As an unregistered `missing person`, her bones are fading somewhere in the soil in the Mesaoria…
But there are stories that warm one's heart, stories that despite taboos and the conflict and the partition and lack of opportunities, where strong family ties have survived…
One of the most striking stories of all times in Cyprus is that of the Ahmediyes. The Ahmediye or Ahmet family was from Agia Marina, it was a mixed family of Turkish Cypriots and Maronite Cypriots. In 1963-64 the Turkish Cypriots of Agia Marina had to flee the village… And in 1974, the Cypriot Maronites had to flee… The Ahmediyes were a mixed family: Some of those born out of the marriage of the Turkish Cypriots and Maronite Cypriots remained in the northern and some in the southern part of our island. As soon as the checkpoints opened in 2003, the Ahmediyes found each other and were never divided again… They would meet cousins whom they had never met before…
From time to time, I get some requests from Cypriots (both Turkish Cypriots and Greek Cypriots) to try to help them to find the traces of their relatives who stayed in the southern or northern part of our island. Actually this is very difficult since even if you try to find their traces, sometimes the children of those relatives do not want their parents to have ties with the other side, due to the pressures from their own communities.
One such thing happened recently – a request came to me from a Greek Cypriot who was looking for his relatives from Muttayaga. A young journalist from SIM TV, Mustafa Bafli asked me to help him.
There was this Turkish Cypriot woman called C. who fell in love with a Greek Cypriot who came to the village to sell vegetables. She would go with him and change her name and her religion and get married with him. She would be called Amalia… They would get married and they would have a son called G.
G. would grow up not knowing that in fact his mother was a Turkish Cypriot. Only after his mother died, he would find a diary in her chest and he would learn that she had been a Turkish Cypriot… And he would try to find his relatives from the village Muttayaga.
So I had names, I had details. I would speak to many Turkish Cypriots from Muttayaga but no one would accept this connection, some claimed that their mothers did not remember no such thing, and some said "I don't know"… In the end I realized that some people from Muttayaga was approaching this issue with either great fear or with great indifference… So we could not help him yet… But still I have not lost hope since humans are sometimes full of surprises… Some people may approach the issue of split families with fear or with indifference, but some might feel the importance of getting people together and might embrace G. and help him to connect with his Turkish Cypriot relatives…
4.8.2019
(*) Article published in the POLITIS newspaper on the 8th of September 2019, Sunday. Similar series of articles was published in the YENIDUZEN newspaper on my pages entitled "Cyprus: The Untold Stories" in Turkish on the 3rd, 5th and 6th of August 2019 and here are the links:
http://www.yeniduzen.com/kibrista-catismalarin-bolup-parcaladigi-aileler1-14312yy.htm
http://www.yeniduzen.com/kibrista-catismalarin-bolup-parcaladigi-aileler2-14319yy.htm
http://www.yeniduzen.com/yillar-gecti-aradan-ama-ben-unutmadim-14324yy.htm
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